My girls

I am loving the stage of life my girls are in!

 

 

One of Zoie's current favorite places right now--under the table

 

 

"Oh no! the apple juice is gone!" 

 

Maia is pretending the napkin holder is car...and then a train.  

Maia was SO excited to go to the farm for Thanksgiving... 

The Nearness of God is Truly my Good

A few months ago, my little girls and I were at the zoo. While we sat down to eat a snack, I heard a little boy screaming, "Mom! Mom! Mom!" He was running, frantically trying to find his mom. He couldn't see her, and there was such terror in his voice. He thought he was lost. His mom was actually quite close to him, and ran after him. "Son! I'm right here! Love, don’t be afraid!" She picked him up and embraced him, calming him with her presence.
This is such a vivid illustration of what happens when I fear. Temptation to fear is one of my most frequent battles as I seek to live by faith and not by sight. This year the Lord has revealed something precious to me in His word through this struggle: the Lord is especially near the fearful heart. My Father in Heaven comforts me, just as the mom I saw comforted her son with her presence. His commands not to fear are spoken with tender love.
From the first moment Adam and Eve sinned, they hid in fear. Yet He came close, clothed them and promised them a Savior (Gen. 3: 8, 15, 21). Let’s listen together to his voice as he continues to speak to His fearful people in the Scriptures:

Genesis 15:1- “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield.”
Genesis 26:24- “I am the God of Abraham your father. Fear not, for I am with you.”
Deuteronomy 31: 8- "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Psalm 118: 6-7- “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.”
Isaiah 41: 10- "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Haggai 2: 4-5- “For I am with you, declares the Lord Almighty. This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear.”

Can you see how near He is to the fearful one? Ed Welch says in Running Scared: “God’s assurance of his presence spans all Scripture. By the time we get to Abraham’s son Isaac, the connection between our fear and God’s promise of his presence is well established. From here on out, “I will be with you” will become like a motto.” We see His nearness in Christ. Christ is Immanuel, God with us. He is not ashamed to identify Himself with us, and call Himself our brother (Heb. 2: 11-12).

I am thankful for the way Jesus is using my tendency to fear to reveal to me in His word how near He is to me. As this year ends I am thankful for the nearness of God. I can say with the Psalmist “we give thanks to you, O God; we give thanks, for your name is near.” (Psalm 75: 1).

Filling up Christ's afflictions in motherhood

Today, as I nursed my Zoie, I read this brief devotional from John Piper:

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church. (Colossians 1:24)

"Christ has prepared a love offering for the world by suffering and dying for sinners. It is full and lacking in nothing — except one thing, a personal presentation by Christ himself to the nations of the world.
God’s answer to this lack is to call the people of Christ (people like Paul) to make a personal presentation of the afflictions of Christ to the world. In doing this, we “fill up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions.” We finish what they were designed for, namely, a personal presentation to the people who do not know about their infinite worth.
But the most amazing thing about Colossians 1:24 is how Paul fills up what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions.
He says that it is his own sufferings that fill up Christ’s afflictions. This means, then, that Paul exhibits the sufferings of Christ by suffering himself for those he is trying to win. In his sufferings they see Christ’s sufferings.
Here is the astounding upshot: God intends for the afflictions of Christ to be presented to the world through the afflictions of his people.
God really means for the body of Christ, the church, to experience some of the suffering he experienced so that when we proclaim the Cross as the way to life, people will see the marks of the Cross in us and feel the love of the Cross from us."

Holding Zoie in my arms was so helpful to help me realize that the truths in this article are poignantly true about motherhood. This is what missional motherhood is about! Every day moms experience some form of suffering. And every day, by experiencing some of the suffering Christ experienced we are proclaiming the Cross as a way of life to our children. And as we do that they see the marks of the Cross in us and feel the love of the Cross from us. What an astounding truth! It humbles me and moves me deeply. The way my children see me face the daily challenges of life shows to them  whether I believe or not that truly the Cross is a way of life.
As moms we die to ourselves constantly. Our sleep at night is interrupted because our infants need sustenance, and we wake up in the mornings because someone is demanding to be fed and changed. We keep going through the day, sometimes not eating when we are hungry, because we are busy feeding others; we spend our hours meeting others' needs, continually dying to our desires and wants. There are so many different types of suffering for moms--from sleepless nights to miscarriages; from temptation due to raging hormones to disability. How will we suffer? How are we going to face daily suffering? How are we going to die to self every day? The temptation for me is to self-pity, and resentment. I don't want to choose joy, but rather think about how my life could be better. So easy to dwell on the "if only's..."
And yet-- Paul reminds me tonight that God is using my afflictions to fill up Christ's afflictions. The Lord is using my suffering to proclaim something GLORIOUS to my daughters! Through the daily suffering I experience in this fallen world, Christ himself is making a personal presentation to my children! 
My Lord Jesus endured the Cross for the joy set before him. So I will look to Him. He who founded my faith will perfect it (thank you Jesus!). May the Lord give me grace to look to Jesus, and see Him victorious, sustaining my faith till the day when it shall be sight. May my daughters see the marks of the Cross in my life and see how I bear them with joy... May our girls see how worthy Jesus is through the way I fill up Christ's afflictions every day.

Satisfied with His steadfast love together

Satisfied with His love together

"We have thought on your steadfast love, O God in the midst of your temple." (Psalm 48: 9)

This verse took a very powerful meaning to me many years ago. A family in our church had a horrible car accident in which they lost their 5 year old son. A few months, I talked with his mom. She shared his verse with me. She was tempted to stay home from church during those first months of grief. But it was at church, in the house of God, where in a very special way God reminded her of His steadfast love.

Sometimes when life is hard it can be easy for me to want to miss public worship and other gatherings of the church. I have definitely felt the temptation not to be among the people of God now as a mom of two little girls. Sleepless nights, long days and weary hearts can make for very exhausted mommies. It is tempting to relish the thought of staying home and sleeping in or having a few hours alone. But what precious encouragement we find in Psalm 48 to go.

Psalm 48 is a hymn celebrating Zion because that is where God showed Himself to be the Defense of His people. Zion was the place where the temple was and where God dwelt among His people. Yet, the temple was destroyed by the Romans in 70 AD. So, how does God dwell with His people in the New Covenant? The NT explains three ways in which we see God dwelling with His people. For the sake of this article, we will only focus on two. 

1) Jesus is the temple. Jesus is the temple where His people worship God. Jesus said: “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days” (John 2:19). Later, after Christ's resurrection, his disciples remembered this, and realized Christ had been speaking about himself (John 2:21-22). John Piper explains what this verse means:

"I think [what] Jesus meant was: When I die, the temple dies... And when I rise, I am the temple. I am the sacrifice for sins. I am the priest and go-between with God. I am the presence and radiance of his glory. The temple is finished."¹

2) We are the temple. Romans 8: 9-10 say this: "Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness." The Risen Christ is in US! Paul develops the idea further in 1 Corinthians teaching that we are now the temple. "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" (1 Cor. 3: 16-17). As my pastor explained to me, now in the New Covenant, the temple is no longer a place--it is a people.

So next time you or I are incredibly exhausted and the idea of staying home from worship and other gatherings of the church sounds so attractive, run to the gathering. Run to Christ's people. Because that's where Christ dwells. Let us refresh each other in Christ and let us go back home having found delight in His steadfast love because of His presence among His people.

1http://www.desiringgod.org/sermons/stephens-crime-jesus-will-destroy-the-temple

(Not so) recent pics

Christ Be All Around Me

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven;
Light of the sun,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of the wind,
Depth of the sea,
Stability of the earth,
Firmness of the rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me;
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's hosts to save me
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ shield me today
Against wounding
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through the mighty strength
Of the Lord of creation.

--St. Patrick

Just some thoughts from this new season

We so love having Zoie with us. I am so glad she is no longer inside me. I feel SO much better now than I did during my last trimester. I am loving her sweet face, her many sweet smiles; I love Maia's interaction with her. They are PRECIOUS together. It is hard to take a pic of them together because Maia wants to see the picture on the phone or camera as we are taking it! :) But they truly
are adorable. Maia is super tender with her.

But these are hard days. The newness has worn off and we are transitioning into our new normal. I am feeling often utterly exhausted, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. I have at times felt I am running on empty.

From the moment I open my eyes to the moment I lay down at night, I am *always* doing something, and yet somehow, work never ends. Wherever I look I see something I could be doing: dusting the T.V. stand, cleaning the glass doors, folding laundry, putting laundry away, cleaning the bathroom, picking up those toys (again!). There are diapers to be changed and babies to be fed. I am hungry all the time and can't always eat when I want. Or when I can eat, don't always have an easy gluten free snack to quickly eat before someone needs me. Maia has been dropping her afternoon naps, but not consistently and she can also get out of her play pen now. We are starting to train her in room time, but we are still in the training phase--not quite enjoying the fruits of that. I so long to have some quiet, down time when I can journal, pray and think strategically through this time. Maia is changing so fast. The new normal is not only about having Zoie; it is also about having a toddler (about to turn 2!). Ethan and I feel like we are going through culture shock--this new season (not only with Zoie but with Maia) is not always intuitive. We feel lost sometimes with knowing what is the best way to handle different situations with Maia. How can I best meet Maia's needs during this time? It is something I think about a lot as I go through our day.

Last night I had to stop eating dinner to soothe Zoie. I was really hungry. As I rocked her the thought came, "Here I am--another opportunity to die to myself for my daughter's sake." And it hit me: Jesus died for me, and He did it willingly, without resentment or bitterness. He did with joy. He was aware of the joy ahead of Him and so He endured. I am SO glad He died for me without resenting me. That thought fueled profound gratitude in my heart. And humility And I just prayed, "Give me grace to do so for Zoie." I am so thankful she is with us. I am so thankful both of them are with us. We have all this work because of both our daughters. Ethan and I have at times both wanted to go back to a more simple life--- but oh, we know how much both are daughters are worth each sleepless hour, sore backs, and the constant exhaustion that doesn't go away.

These are hard days, but God sweetens them with mercy and precious moments. Like Zoie's smiles--oh how they melt me!And Maia is doing so many fun things! And so many sweet, sweet things too. I wish I could freeze those moments when she holds my face with both hands and kisses me, or when she calls my name, "mommeee." She is so funny. So many looks I wish I could capture on camera--the puzzled look, the disturbed look, the mischievous look, the dramatic look.

Two stories to prove my point:
**Yesterday I was putting laundry away in her room as Maia took blankets from her drawers and piled them on the floor. A little impatiently I asked her not to please do that...but then I thought I'd let her play. I told her she could put her doll to bed using her blankets. A few minutes later, I hear her singing, "Jesus loves me." When I turn to look at her, I see her kneeling by her bed, with her head leaning on the rail of the toddler bed, singing "Jesus loves me" to her doll. Just like Ethan and I do. Oh man...  That was such a priceless moment! I went to her, kissed her and joined her in singing to the doll. But she pushed me away, shook her head "no." She wanted to sing it all by herself (like so many things she does--she is so independent and doesn't accept help too quickly!!)

**Maia is counting to ten now: one, two, free, four, fie, six, snowman, eight, niiiine, TEN!" :)

I am writing all this because I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget how wonderfully hard these days are. When I am older, I want to encourage other moms when they share about their hard days. Because these days are hard. I need to embrace that. Nobody said this would be an easy season. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing something wrong because it is hard. Yet I just think it comes with the territory. And like I said, I need to embrace it.
But I also want to remember how much grace God shows us through our children. I want to remember how good it is to be in this season because it brings me to the end of myself so often. I need a Savior. And God is using this time to remind me often of it. I need a Savior because in myself I am impatient and resentful and bitter. I am so tired I don't think logically. I forget so many things. But relying in Jesus, I can trust Him to be my strength! And that is my glory--Jesus is my strength. I will glory in my Redeemer through these difficult yet sweet mothering days.

"Jesus! what a Strength in weakness!
Let me hide myself in Him.
Tempted, tried, and sometimes failing,
He, my Strength, my victory wins.

Hallelujah! what a Savior!
Hallelujah! what a Friend!
Saving, helping, keeping, loving,
He is with me to the end."