Charles Spurgeon said, “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” I first read that quote a few years ago as I walked closely with a dear friend who had recently lost her seven week old son--her only son-- to SIDS. I was then a new mom and my new mother’s heart was breaking for my friend. I remember how my eyes welled up as I thought about what this quote meant. I was seeing it lived out in front of my very eyes. My friend, whose heart had been taken out and crushed in a thousand pieces, was loving her Savior more because of her pain. She could say that Jesus was truly enough. She had all the scars from being thrown against the Rock, but had found something so sweet, that she indeed kissed the wave, even if she did so weeping. This world is broken. I have experienced its brokenness through motherhood more than anything else. I have felt the brokenness of my body as I deal with hormonal changes caused by pregnancy and as I feel the effects of autoimmune disease. I have seen the deep brokenness of my own soul and my utter inability to believe and trust apart from Christ as I battled post partum depression. And, in having daughters of my own, have grown intensely sensitive to the suffering that parents experience in this world--miscarriage, infant death, diagnoses of illnesses, death of older children, and terminal illnesses for parents themselves.
But in experiencing both the brokenness of this world and my own brokenness, something precious has happened--Christ has given me more of Himself. He has revealed to me how sufficient He is, how near he is to my weak and weary heart. He has comforted me with the realization of his tender heart towards moms (Is. 40: 11). Jesus has strengthened me as He teaches me how He is my strong helper and deliverer, the one who is serving me so I can serve (Mark 10: 44-45).
Moreover, the Lord has built my hope. Through both daily suffering and more intensified seasons of trials, Jesus is training me. He has been true to His word and has built my endurance. He has pushed me to exercise my spiritual muscles and He has strengthened my faith. Through the suffering I have encountered in motherhood He is making my hope abound in Christ.
In doing all this, the Lord is teaching me to kiss the wave that throws me against Himself. Motherhood has been that wave that brings me to my knees, that knocks out all self-sufficiency and illusions of control and the wave that gives me Jesus, over and over again.
I am learning --and will continue to learn as long as I live- to kiss the wave. I often don’t want to kiss the wave. I am tempted to resent it and be bitter. Other times I am deeply afraid that the wave will kill me, that I will drown and I will lose my faith. But my Savior is the one who commands the wave to throw me against Himself-- He is the Rock on which I land.
Facing brokenness and suffering in motherhood has made me think a lot about how important it is for moms to have a strong theology of suffering both for the harder seasons of motherhood and for those days full of many little hard things that make up a difficult day. Now, motherhood in itself is not suffering; it truly is an incredible gift, an undeserved privilege, a precious, precious calling. It is full of so many blessings. The Scriptures talk about children as a gift from God, an inheritance (Psalm 127: 3). I am so very thankful the Lord made me a mom! My girls are a means of deep joy. I can hardly imagine life without them.
But, as anything good in this fallen world, suffering does come with motherhood. And when I am not equipped with a robust theology of suffering, or when I forget my theology, then it is very hard to embrace motherhood with joy. We know motherhood can be hard day in and day out but we don’t always think of that hardship as suffering. And yet, when nighttime comes we start dreading the next day when we have to do it all over again, and our hope is shaken.
Do we have a framework within which to think of the frustrations, disappointments, physical weakness, emotional weariness, and exhaustion that come with the territory? We very much need theology for the trials we experience every day with sleepless nights, messy homes, difficult children, our own sinful attitudes and the doldrums of endless repetition of menial tasks when we yearn for something more.
Over the next several articles I want to explore a theology of suffering for motherhood. I learn by writing so my only credential in writing about a theology of suffering for moms is how much I need these truths to face each day in motherhood with joy and courage.
John Piper said, “Wimpy theology makes wimpy women.”1 By framing the topic of this series
as a theology of suffering I don’t want to enable our complaining about how hard it is to be a mom. I am actually hoping for quite the opposite. I am hoping that by looking at the precious truths of the Word about suffering we will not be wimpy, but courageous! My prayer is that as Christ strengthens us as moms our homes will be places where the gospel is adorned and in which (and from which) the Kingdom is advanced for His glory.
1-- http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/wimpy-theology-and-true-womanhood
